Do You Still Need to Ask Your Bride's Father for Permission Before Proposing?

List: Posted: 08/30/11

Are you contemplating popping the question?  If so, there are a number of things that you need to consider before you propose - and we're not just talking about your nerves here.  You need to go to a diamond store or jewelers and find a ring, as well as figure out the perfect location and way to ask for her hand in marriage.  And all this before you even start planning the wedding!

 

You might also be wondering if you need to ask the bride's father for permission before you propose.  First, even in this day and age, it is still considered "customary" to ask for the father's blessing or permission before you propose to the love of your life. 

 

However, this might just be an instance of custom outliving its usefulness.  While it will certainly make you seem more romantic, asking for permission before you propose will also make you seem a bit antiquated.  It can also carry other unwanted connotations – sexism, viewing your lover as property and being misogynistic are just a few.

 

It is totally up to you if you decide to ask for permission before you propose to the love of your life.  However, there are some alternatives.  First, ask the girl for her hand.  It's her life and if she wants to spend it with you, it's her call, not her father's.  However, this doesn't honor her parents, even if her father does approve. 

When it comes time to propose and you want to make a good impression on her parents, ask both mother and father for their blessing, not their permission.  You will find that this works out well for all involved, and keeps you grounded in the 21st century, as well.

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